"Corn is for girls" and other bizarre three-year-old-isms
My daughter is three, an age alternately filled with delights such as the combinations that result in self-dressing, and horrors such as the five o’clock broken cookie meltdown.
Age three is also the stage of child development at which many children like to put things into categories. As she’s learning to tell male from female, she sometimes talks about whether boys (or girls) do or like various things based on her own observations. My favorite so far is, “Girls can eat corn but boys can’t.” Her brother is allergic to corn, so she’s concluded, logically enough, that corn can only be eaten by girls. Fortunately, she has two other brothers who can eat corn, so it was pretty easy to disabuse her of that particular notion.
Goofballs, the lot of them.
There’s nothing like having an entirely human sibling to inspire confidence in one’s own abilities. Having three older brothers has definitely helped keep her mind open to what activities she can do. She has never said that “only boys can do X” - she just assumes she can do whatever they can.
In fact, she’s actually more daring for her age than her brothers generally were at three. She climbs up play structures designed for much older children, takes bigger risks at the pool, and gets into wrestling matches with kids twice her size.
Unfortunately, it’s harder to dissuade her of other conclusions that she’s drawn - she’s already figured out that pink means “for girls.” This is confusing to her because she and her brothers play with dolls and tea sets and other things that come in pink boxes, so she doesn’t seem to think that the actual toys are limited to girls.
The Batcave, aka, her dollhouse
There are always girls and boys in the non-pink aisles. But observational data to the contrary about the pink aisle is weak. I’m struggling with all four kids to get them to see beyond pink - which brings me to the worst offender of all...
The clothes - yikes. Of course I founded Princess Awesome because of the lack of dinosaurs on girls’ clothing, so I was aware of the problem. But I still do find myself occasionally arguing against absurdities that have resulted from her observations about what boys and girls wear. From jeans to blue to non-cute animals - she is driving me crazy telling me that she can’t wear a certain thing because girls don’t wear those things. And she is getting this information from what other girls are wearing, so it’s much harder to refute.
This drawer is filled with blue, and I didn't even make all of these clothing items.
Because of Princess Awesome, I can usually counter her by just pulling something out of her drawer and proving it to the contrary: “See? This dress has a dinosaur on it AND it’s blue. This one has ninja and they’re pink. This one is red! Girls can wear red.” But the rest of the world isn’t helping me out. She wants to identify as a girl - but she already feels self-conscious if no other girl is wearing what she’s wearing. Last week for the first time she wanted to wear a princess ball gown all day (and that’s fine!). But then she said it was what she was “supposed to wear because she’s a girl.” The other girls her age at the park wear them, after all.
Both are awesome. But at the park, maybe a knee-length skirt with pockets is a little more practical.
I honestly just want her to try everything, explore her interests, choose what she likes - all that feminist childrearing stuff I’ve written about over the last few years. But it’s so much harder in practice. The pull of wanting to fit in and identifying with others like us is so strong - even at age three. I don’t want her to make choices because she feels like she won’t be a girl if she doesn’t dress “like other girls.”
That’s why my first “wild sighting” of one of our Rockets Dresses was so exciting (“wild sighting:” seeing a Princess Awesome dress in person worn by a child I don’t know). There are so many girls out there who want to dress in twirly dresses AND ALSO express a love of rocket ships. And I’m so grateful to all of our customers who have been part of this sea change. There are thousands - millions - of girls who deserve clothes that speak to their interests - and which also speak to those around them, including to each other.
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Emm12
December 14, 2017
My daughter (also three) has recently begun categorizing “boy” things and “girl” things. I’ve tried not to push pink or princess, but culture is strong, and I encourage self-expression and discovery.
She has recently decided she loves pink, purple and skorts, but with winter, the skorts are not an option. Now all she’ll wear is “skeggings” (skirts with attached leggings), and there better be some pink in it! I don’t think she cares about the pattern or supporting colors, so much. The only place I have found them is Target, and there are like four varieties, that’s it. Would you consider making something like that? With animals, rocket ships, math, science, ballerinas (of a diverse mix of skin/hair color—and why is that so hard to find?), construction, tools, trucks, etc.
And I second PJ’s, especially nightgowns, since she seems to share Donald Duck’s aversion to pants (with as smooth of seams as possible, because she’s very sensitive to those.)